Nowadays, using a person’s chosen name and pronouns is the best way to show respect and recognize their identity, whether they are straight, gay, or transgender.
But not everyone follows this practice, often sticking to old-fashioned ideas or ignoring people’s gender identities.
Bennett Kaspar-Williams, who is 37 years old and lives in Los Angeles, welcomed their son Hudson into the world through a cesarean section in October 2020, with help from their husband, Malik.
Even though Kaspar-Williams identified as male and used he/him/his pronouns back then (they now identify as non-binary and use both he/him/his and they/them pronouns), they faced difficulties at the hospital when nurses kept misgendering them, calling them a mother instead of a father, according to the Daily Mail.
Posted by Bennett Kaspar-Williams on Saturday, October 10, 2020
Kaspar-Williams started his transition in 2014 after he figured out he was transgender in 2011. The couple decided to have a family and thought carefully about their choices — knowing that Bennett would need to stop his testosterone therapy for a while so his ovaries could work again.
Even though Bennett had surgery on his chest, he hadn’t done anything to his lower body. After thinking it over, he felt good about the idea of being pregnant himself.
When they began trying, Bennett got pregnant naturally pretty quickly.
“We had only been trying for a little bit, so we thought it would take longer than it did,” said Bennett.
Disheartened by medical staff
About a week before we went into lockdown in March 2020, I was feeling really good, but that quickly changed to anxiety about the pandemic and how to keep myself and my baby safe.
Kaspar-Williams found the experience of pregnancy and childbirth to be both rewarding and tough. He felt sad when medical staff assumed his gender and called him a mother instead.
“The only thing that made me feel really uncomfortable during my pregnancy was being misgendered when I went for medical care,” he shared.
Even though Kaspar-Williams wrote down his gender on medical forms, the nurses still misgendered him when they talked to him. After Hudson was born, Kaspar-Williams started to speak out for the idea that childbirth doesn’t have to be linked to gender identity anymore.
Posted by Bennett Kaspar-Williams on Sunday, October 4, 2020
Hard to escape
Kaspar-Williams expressed his sadness about being misgendered during childbirth. He pointed out how important it is to separate womanhood from motherhood. He talked to the New York Post and shared how uncomfortable it was to be called “mom” even though he marked “male” on his medical forms.
“Pregnancy is like a business, and I call it that because the whole system of pregnancy care in America is focused on selling the idea of ‘motherhood.’ It’s so mixed up with gender that it was tough to avoid being misgendered,” Bennett said.
The father mentioned, “No one really knows if having kids is possible until you try. Just because someone is born with a uterus doesn’t mean they can definitely conceive or carry a baby.”
“That’s why it’s super important to stop defining ‘womanhood’ as ‘motherhood.’ It’s not true that all women can be mothers, that all mothers carry their kids, or that everyone who carries a child is a mother.”
This sweet guy is 3 years old today! Malik Kaspar-Williams and I are so lucky to be his parents. 🫶🏼Posted by Bennett Kaspar-Williams on Thursday, October 26, 2023
Deciding to start their pregnancy journey after separating physical functions from gender ideas, Kaspar-Williams’ story shows the complicated nature of identity and the need to respect how people identify themselves.
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